3 Conversations
by LucinaNemain
Summary: Three conversations taking place in the Cohen household. Involved parties are Ryan, Seth and Kirsten. And the topic is, as always, Ryan and his issues.
1. Kirsten & Ryan

Hello again, I'm back. And since I tend to post all chapters at once in my stories I never get a chance to thank everybody for reviewing, so I'll do that here: Thank you very much those of you having reviewed my other stories. And those of you who will review this one. I think I'm becoming addicted. To reviews. Sad, isn't it?

And I still don't own the OC or any of the characters, and unlike some other people, I'm glad that's the case. It'd just be a lot of work, feeding and taking care of them.. No, I'm happy with my cats.

LN

* * *

Kirsten/Ryan

Kirsten looked outside, smiling as she saw the boys playing with their water cannons. At the moment, Seth was hiding behind a rhododendron bush, and Ryan came tiptoeing around the pool house. Kirsten returned to her work, but smiled again when she heard the yelling and the laughter from when they obviously spotted each other.

She heard them running, but suddenly they seemed to come to a halt. At first, she didn't think much about it, but when Seth's voice travelled in to her she looked up again, frowning. He wasn't laughing anymore, he sounded irritated. She didn't hear his words, but she saw him gesticulating wildly, and Ryan shaking his head. Ryan said something, dropped his water cannon and took a step backwards. Seth threw his hands up in the air and stomped off, into the house through the other door. Ryan didn't move for a moment or two, but then quickly disappeared into the pool house.

Kirsten was concerned. The boys didn't fight often, but faced with this scene she remembered a couple of similar events. A few weeks ago, they had been running around chasing each other for some reason, and suddenly Ryan had just stopped, deciding he'd had enough. Seth had been upset, of course, he didn't like being called to a halt in the middle of having fun. Kirsten shook her head and decided she'd have to talk to them if they didn't work it out on their own.

Some time later she looked up as he heard the door open, and there was Ryan.

"Hey." he said, quietly, not meeting her eye.

Kirsten could tell he wasn't comfortable, and she imagined it was from Seth and him arguing. She didn't understand why he'd break their games off like he did. Normally he'd do lots of things he didn't exactly feel like just to make Seth happy. And while she was glad he was making decisions based on what _he_ wanted, she just didn't understand, because regarding other things he'd still more often than not let anybody else decide.

"Hey." she said softly. "You okay?"

He nodded, still not looking at her. Maybe she was wrong, maybe his uneasiness wasn't only based on fighting with Seth, because he was still standing in the door, shifting his weight between his feet. Like he waited for her to say something, but she couldn't think of what that would be.

"I-" he started, but immediately fell silent again.

"What?" Kirsten inquired.

"Nothing." Ryan said quickly, turning to leave.

"Ryan!" she called, and he turned back, but he still didn't look at her. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"I just.." he started again.

Kirsten waited.

"I wanted to talk to you. Ask you something."

Kirsten tried not to show she was surprised. Though Ryan lately had seemed more relaxed and trusting, and even willing to answer questions from time to time, she had never earlier heard him asking for advice.

When she didn't respond immediately he hastily said "But you're busy, I- it's nothing. See you later."

"No Ryan, wait. I'm not that busy. What did you want to talk about?"

Watching her, hesitating, he seemed about to take off, but suddenly he quickly sat down by the table, opposite her.

"I, uh.. Well, Seth."

Kirsten nodded to show she was listening.

"I think he's mad at me. Or, I know he is."

"Okay." she didn't want to choose sides, and hoped he wouldn't ask her to. Actually, she realized, she _knew_ he wouldn't. He'd never ask anybody to do that, he was too convinced nobody would choose his.

"And he's right, I have this stupid thing I do." Ryan said, glancing at her as if afraid of her reaction.

"Okay?"

Kirsten of course, the scene she'd watched fresh in her memory, had her own theory of what the 'stupid thing' was, but she wanted Ryan to say it.

Ryan heard the question in her voice, but decided to ignore it, as she hadn't actually asked explicitly.

"I have a.. reason why I'm doing it though, but he thinks it's just out of spite." When Kirsten opened her mouth to answer, he continued, avoiding questions. "And what I wanted to ask you was; should I tell him? The reason? Because it might be something he doesn't want to know. Should I just.. not tell him and have him being angry with me sometimes?"

Carefully, Kirsten chose her words.

"You know, you'll be angry with each other from time to time, no matter what. It's a part of being a family. But I guess you realize that. About this particular thing, can I ask if it's the way you just stop? When you're playing around sometimes?"

Ryan nodded.

"Okay. Do you want to tell me the reason?"

Ryan looked away. "Not really. Nor do I want to tell Seth. But I suppose I should?"

"I don't know, Ryan. As I don't know what it's about."

He sat silent for a while, apparently thinking about her words. "If I told you, could you tell me if I should tell Seth?"

"Maybe, Ryan. Is it hard to talk about?"

"I.. no. Not exactly. I suppose telling you would be okay, it doesn't really affect you."

Kirsten was confused. She had no idea what he was talking about, but it sounded like he was going to tell her something.

"So okay, when we run around, like today, I sometimes have to stop, because.." He searched for words. "It becomes too real." He blushed. "I guess it's just the adrenaline, but after a while I can't tell if I'm just excited or.. afraid. I have.. there has been.. things have happened that were just too similar, only not a game. And when I get this feeling, I.. I feel like I'm not sure I'll be able to control it, like maybe I'll panic if somebody gets too close. If I do, I might hurt somebody. So I have to stop. I have to stop moving, calm down.."

Kirsten didn't know what to say. Her heart ached for Ryan, and she marvelled that he'd spoken so honestly and detailed about his feelings. Then she thought of something.

"Why do you think this doesn't affect me?"

"I.. suppose it does, in some ways. But you're not likely to chase me around the house, while Seth is. And I really don't want him to think about this every time we fool around, I just want him to treat me like I'm normal. Actually, I want to _be_ normal. I'm so tired of having _issues_."

The last word was uttered with heavy disgust.

"But anyways, I suppose I should tell him? Or will it be worse for him if he knows? I mean, he's sort of freaked out every time I mention my past.. Will it be better for him just to believe I'm an ass sometimes?"

"Ryan, Seth doesn't freak out, he just.. he just doesn't know what to say."

"And if Seth not talking is not freaked out, then what is?"

"Good point. But maybe you should just let him get used to it. I think part of the freaking out is because he's just surprised. You don't really talk about your past, you know."

"I know. So you think I should tell him then?"

"I think being as honest with each other as possible is always a good thing."

Ryan looked down at the table. Finally he nodded and looked up at her.

"Okay. Thank you. Really. For listening. I'll go talk to him."

And he disappeared out of the kitchen, up the stairs.


	2. Ryan & Seth

Ryan/Seth

"Hey, man." Ryan said, standing in the doorway.

Seth, lying on his bed pretending to read a comic book, didn't answer or acknowledge his presence.

"Look, I wanted to apologize."

Still no answer.

"And explain. My behaviour. Sort of."

Seth still didn't say anything, but he lowered his comic book and looked at Ryan. Ryan took this as a permission to enter and did so, though he didn't sit down.

"Okay, so here goes." Ryan started, studying Seth closely while continuing. "A few years ago my mom had this boyfriend. He didn't live with us, but he came over frequently. Sometimes he'd be okay and he and my mom would have a great time, but sometimes he'd.."

Ryan fell silent, and wondered what Seth was thinking. He turned his face away, but still glanced at Seth from the corner of his eyes.

"He'd decide I'd done something, mostly when mom was drunk, I had 'driven her to the bottle' again. And he'd chase me around the house. Because that's what I did those years, run away, bolt through a door or a window, but after the first few times he'd make sure the doors were locked and I couldn't get near any windows. And there was no place to run. But for a long time, I'd try anyway. And he'd chase me."

Seth was still staring at him, paler now. Uncomfortable, wondering if he'd said too much, Ryan continued.

"So what happens is I recognize the feeling, the excitement, only I confuse it with fear. I guess chemically it's the same anyway, adrenaline or whatever. So I have to stop, before I panic and turn on whoever gets too close."

Seth had definitely freaked out, Ryan decided. He wouldn't stop staring, and he wouldn't start talking.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that." he said, mentally kicking himself for putting Seth in this situation. "I just wanted you to know I didn't mean to be such an ass. I just don't know what else to do. I'm sorry."

"No, dude, _I'm_ sorry. Seriously, I can't believe I could be so childish, you know, whining when I didn't get it my way when you-"

"No, you didn't know, Seth." Ryan interrupted.

Hewas relieved Seth seemed back to normal, at least judging by the words/second ratio. He still looked a little pale though, shaking his head.

"I should have known. Maybe not, like, the details, but I should have known you had a reason and didn't do it out of spite or mere selfishness. Which I thought you did. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"It's okay Seth, not your fault."

"We okay?"

"I don't know. Are we? You seemed a little.. bothered by what I told you."

"Surprised, mostly. And, you know, the usual; pissed off at those people being mean to you. You and me, we're okay, but if I ever meet that bastard I'll kick his ass. No, I wouldn't, but I'd want to. What did you say his name was?"

"I didn't. It's Jack."

"What I'd probably do is to have him tied to a chair so he couldn't get away, and tell him: 'Now Jack, you'll have to listen very closely, and I'll tell you every single thing I know about Summer.' And then I'd start, and he'd scream in pain – or possibly out of boredom – before I was halfway through."

Ryan couldn't help but smile. Relieved he realized Seth wasn't going to act differently now he knew.

"Because even I realize thatdays and days of constant talk about nothing but Summer could be painful to some ears."

"Really? So why do you keep torturing mine?"

"I don't. You get it in small doses."

"If what I get is small doses I can't imagine what Jack would be going through."

"But he'd deserve it. Right?"

"Yeah, I guess." Ryan replied, quietly.

They both were silent for a while, then Seth asked, hesitantly: "What did he do to you? When he caught you?"

"Different things. Mostly he'd just beat up on me. Sometimes he made me do stuff."

"Not like that." he added hastily when he realized what Seth was thinking. "Once he made me kneel in front of him and beg him to save my mother from me."

Quietly he continued, not looking at Seth.

"When I woke up the next morning she was gone. She returned by nightfall, but in the meantime, I thought she'd left with him. She'd just been out for the day, and not even with him. I was so relieved when she returned, and she laughed at me and said I was stupid to believe him. I suppose I was."

"He was a bastard." Seth said.

Ryan shrugged.

"How old were you? I mean, the way you look, I didn't think anybody could _make_ you do anything."

"I was thirteen. And afraid. People can make you do almost anything, no matter how strong you are, if only they scare you enough."


	3. Seth & Kirsten

Seth/Kirsten

"Hi, Mom."

Seth almost fell down in the chair opposite her, looking worn out.

"Where's Ryan?" she asked.

"He went to the pool house. Said he needed to rest. I could use some rest myself, actually."

"He talked to you?"

Seth looked up, surprised.

"Yeah, you knew?"

"He asked me about weather to tell you or not. He thought maybe you'd be better off not knowing. He was worried you'd freak out. Did you?"

"Maybe a little, at first. But I think we got over it. God, can you understand how she let that bastard do that to him? Apparently she'd just sit there on her ass and watch it like-"

Kirsten interrupted him, before he said too much assuming she already knew. She didn't want him to feel he'd betrayed Ryan.

"Seth, I think he might have told you more than he did me."

"Really? What did he tell you?"

"Just that there had been events in his past similar to your games, and that he didn't trust himself not to hurt anybody if he got too exited."

"Oh, okay." Seth was silent for a moment. "Yeah, the version he told me was a bit more detailed.. I'm not sure he'd want me to repeat it to you though.."

"I understand that. I'm just glad you two can talk to each other."

"Yeah, me too. You know, it really helps when trying to understand Ryan, to know about those things. He should tell you too."

"Maybe some day he will."

"Yeah. Maybe."


End file.
